Too Tired to Make a Bottle.

That’s it. I can’t.

I give up.

I have come to terms with being tired for the rest of my parenting life (that is forever).

Why?

Well this past weekend was Ellie’s first birthday!!!!!!!!!!  See adorable picture below:

And this first birthday was preceded by Ellie’s terrible stomach virus (which we now think was Rotovirus) and a trip to the emergency room.  See link here.

And this first birthday and 8 day long vomit-a-thon was preceded by a year of single, working, motherhood…which started right here…

(or 39 weeks and 2 days earlier…but we all know you don’t want a picture of that.)

And I keep waiting for this tired feeling to subside and it just isn’t happening…you see it’s not that parenting is that physically exhausting, although restraining Ellie while I try to change her diaper is more difficult than I could have ever imagine in my non-parenting days.

In fact, I couldn’t fight with her and her really raw diaper rash butt any longer yesterday and I said, “Fine Ellie, crawl around naked.  I don’t care.” And I continued on labeling a very generous bag of hand-me-down clothes and reorganizing her dresser.

Ellie pulled herself up on me, looked me in the eye, and gave me a hug.

And then peed all of a pile of her little boot cut jeans.

But that’s not where the exhaustion comes from. It comes from the fact that if I don’t remember to order crib sheets because she ruined the two sets we had with vomit – Ellie sleeps on the mattress pad.

If I don’t remember to get more soy formula (which is impossible to find in my new neighborhood), I am running around like a crazy woman at 7:30pm sweating, hoping to find a store with it so Ellie can have her bedtime bottle.  Forget to find a new pediatrician and she gets behind on her shots.  If I don’t research pre-schools, she doesn’t go when she is supposed to…and she will end up uneducated and homeless.

Okay..maybe that is going overboard, but you know what I mean.  The list – THE LIST – never ever stops.  It’s NEVER ENDING.  Like Santa’s list of who is naughty and who is nice – times a million.

With all of that in mind, all of you parents may understand the next little anecdote.

Last night Ellie wanted a bottle every 3 hours…which would seem like a horrible backslide in development if it weren’t for the fact that she lost weight during her illness and is now making up for lost time.

Every 3 hours I woke up to “Num, num, num, num…” and her flinging her head back in frustration.

So at 2am I trudge into the kitchen with Ellie in hand, to make a bottle.  Leaving the lights off, I groggily reach up with my free hand to grab a bottle and I slam it down on the counter. I reach up and grab a bottle liner and put it in the bottle. I get a nipple out. I get the container of very valuable soy formula.

I put 4 scoops of formula in the bottle and fill it up with water.

Only the water runs through the bottom.  BECAUSE THERE IS NO BOTTLE LINER IN THE BOTTLE.  AND ALL FOUR SCOOPS OF FORMULA ARE IN A PILE ON THE COUNTER.

I pause.  Reach up, get a new liner – quite perplexed as to what happened to the old one.  I gently scoop the formula into my hand and I put it in the bottle, that now actually has a liner.  I fill the bottle up with water, put the top on, shake and stick it in Ellie’s very pissed off mouth.

Then I rock her for 17 hours until she falls back to sleep.

When I woke up this morning to find formula residue everywhere I recalled the missing bottle liner situation…and all day I wondered what the hell I did with it.  I was tired, but I am sure I took it out of the cabinet and put it in the bottle.

When I came home from work tonight, I washed my hands, filled up my water bottle, took a big sip and sucked up a piece of plastic.

I looked into the water bottle and realized…that’s where I had put the bottle liner.

One year later and I can’t handle making a bottle.  Awesome.