Welcome to HereWeAre.Today – a site about single motherhood and falling in love with a life never imagined. Does that sound like a tagline Oprah or Elizabeth Gilbert would approve of?…Or better yet – adore? I hope so.
The name is in honor of a phrase my New York City girlfriends and I would often say – “Here we are.” We said it when we would arrive at a location having avoided distractions or derailment involving exes, the office, or being over-served. It’s also something we would say when wrapping up a conversation about a new and perhaps unintended development in our lives. The sentiment behind the words “here we are” really embodies this site.
So…here we are.
Aaaaand…how did we get here? Well…um…how much time do you have?
We are all busy, so here are the headlines. I was working as a network news producer when I found out I was pregnant – 2 days before my 30th birthday. To say I was surprised would be a huge understatement.
And I also found out I was going to be doing this – motherhood – solo. To say I was panicked about how I was going to manage navigating single motherhood and a career in network news in Manhattan would also be a huge understatement.
There were a handful of breakdowns, lots of tears, a good amount of angst and more stress than I ever thought I could manage. But through all of that I found out how loved my daughter and I really are, and I realized that in order to fall in love with the life I had, I had to let go of the one I thought I was supposed to have.
And well…that was an interesting process…one you can read about in some of my earlier pieces. I believe the term growing pains is applicable.
I managed to live through, and in some instances enjoy, being a single mom to a newborn while going to work before the sun rose, changing homes multiple times and starting my own digital communications consulting business.
Oh, and here is no longer New York City, the greatest city on earth. Here is a quiet town in Connecticut, where my daughter can run and jump on the floors without the downstairs neighbors pounding on the ceiling. Here is where she can see her cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncle frequently and I can be around the people who’ve known me the longest.
Here is good.
And just in case you need a little more insight (or entertainment)…feel free to skim some lesser known facts about yours truly…
- For my daughter’s sake, and the sake of all single moms (myself included) I am on a small one woman mission to Rebrand The Single Mom®. I even gave a Tedx talk about it because I have yet to see a great amount of realistic representations of single mothers in the media. I know I’ve had to work quite hard not to internalize a lot of the negative blah blah blah out there, so if you are a single mom – I’d love to hear from you and perhaps share your insights on HereWeAre.Today! Feel free to reach out for more information.
- My daughter has taught me more about myself in 4 years than I learned in the 30 years prior to her joining me on this wild ride. I will forever feel incredibly indebted to her for helping me figure out who I was supposed to be and for helping me let go…of a lot of things I needed to let go of. She is my litmus test in life. If I fail her – no other accomplishment matters.
- I hate dating, but I do like men. Dates feel like really personal job interviews and I have yet to find a way to get over this perception of them. I just prefer to be in the company of men and for that to turn into a date somehow. Like it did in college. Aaaaaand I know. I have work to do.
- My biggest weakness? Arguing with people in my head. I can do it for months. It never helps anything and the worst part is, I am so much sharper and quick witted in my head. There is nothing good down this road for sure.
- I spent New Year’s 2008 with Ryan Seacrest, which is crazy. Also crazy is that 2008 was before I had a smartphone, so there is no selfie to prove I am telling the truth. But I am. One of our friends from the office asked my friend and I if we wanted to go out late night to meet up with Ryan and some friends. We said yes. Obvi. We had a great time. We had a few drinks, some great conversation, I chatted with Taylor Swift about the elbow-high fingerless gloves she was wearing because I was obsessed with them. Ryan was totally cool to hang out with and when we called it a night, he offered for his driver to give us all rides home. It was just not geographically practical, so he hailed a cab for me and said goodnight. Great story right? It doesn’t end there. Now, every single New Year’s Eve, when my mother sees Ryan Seacrest on television, she tells me that I “missed my chance with him” which is…interesting…because I’ve never told this story in a way that indicated AT ALL there was a chance of any kind on anyone’s part. Doesn’t matter. Mom still says it. Love you Mom!
- I refer to Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha as if they are my friends. Still. Even though the Sex and The City series finale aired February 22nd, 2004. Don’t judge. I also refer to Oprah and Elizabeth Gilbert as if they too are my friends. See above.
Lots of Love –
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Elizabeth GilbertAuthor / Eat, Pray, Love
“…I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call 'The Physics of The Quest' – a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: 'If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld.'"
Ann LamottAuthor / Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
Cara P. Lemieux/ Here We Are Today
"In order to fall in love with the life I have, I had to let go of the one I thought I was supposed to have."