Really…am I Being Trusted With a Baby?

I had a great trip to visit my friend Boston and while on my drive there I thought of how excited I am to meet my daughter in a few months. Then I thought about how my little buddy will be completely reliant on me.

AND THEN I thought about three instances in my life that I have exhibited less than stellar logic and all the sudden I wondered if that is such a good idea.

I will tell you these three stories and let you be the judge…

NUMBER ONE. I am terrible with directions. TERRIBLE. And because of that, when there is someone or something else guiding me, I completely stop thinking and follow blindly. This occurred to me on my way to Boston when I couldn’t tell you which road I was on or how far I was from my destination without consulting the GPS. And this made me call to mind a time this past November when I was staying with my sister, and I had to go to the chiropractor. I put the address in and went on my merry way, and 15 minutes later arrived at the office.

Post appointment I was free of back pain, and I hopped in the car, hit home on the GPS and started driving. After driving for a good 25 minutes I realized I had no idea where I was, but I figured maybe I had hit avoid highways or something. Then the damn thing said “arriving at destination on right”. I looked out the car window and realized I was in front of some house I’d never seen before. Never in my life. And I was nowhere near my sister’s house or my parent’s house. I paused. Looked around and then manually typed in my sister’s address and headed there. When she wondered what the hell took me so long I had to explain to her that even when I use a GPS, I get lost.

2. My parents have a great wood burning stove that they use to heat the house in the winter. My mom would always ask my sister adriane and I to “crinkle up paper” and start the fire. Btw…I hated crinkling up paper then and I hate crinkling up damn paper now. Anyway, I crinkled up the paper, put some kindling in the stove, threw in a match and hopped in the shower. After my shower, I could tell the fire was going and I put on the heat proof glove, and grabbed a bigger log to put on to keep it going. When I reached all the way in the stove, I put the log on and shook it around. At that time, a spark flew out and ignited my bath robe on fire instantly. So after trying to pat out the flames didn’t work, I flung the robe off of me, onto the carpeted living room floor and ran, naked, to the kitchen to get a bowl of water. I doused the flames and lifted the charred remnants of my robe to find the huge burnt hole in the carpet. All I have to say is, thank god my hair was wet or this story would not be funny.

3. I saved the worst for last. When I was in college I was a camp counselor for 3 and four year olds. I loved this job but it was exhausting. I tell you this hoping that you will not judge as much when I tell you what I am going to tell you next.

One morning, on the way to camp, I went to get gas. I pulled my black and neon green geo tracker up to the pump, got out of the car, put the gas pump in and started filling the tank. in Connecticut you can leave the pump unattended and it keeps on pumping. After heading in to grab a cup of coffee, I got back into the car and drove away.

Did you hear me?

I got in the car. Started it. Put the car in drive. And drove away. With the pump in the car. When a number of my fellow motorists started honking at me, I looked in my mirrors and saw a detached gas pump hanging from my car. I turned off the road, back into the gas station, got out of the car, removed the pump and hose from the gas tank and walked back into the gas station, pump and broken hose in hand (just so you know, there is a safety release on the hose for instances like this, so clearly I’m not the only one that has done this) I handed the attendant the broken item and he took down my drivers license number in case there was a fee to repair the pump. When I got to camp I called my dad and told him if sunoco gas station calls its because I drove away with the gas pump in the car.

His response, “You did what?”

There you have it folks. I graduated college with a 3.5 GPA, I lived in London and travelled around Europe, and I landed a job at a network morning show right out of college…life’s simplest tasks…that can throw me into a tail spin.

And as I get ready for bed while the sun is still shining, I will tell you being four months pregnant gives new meaning to the term muffin top.

Sorry no photos with this post. None seemed fitting.