No one told me…

HELLO EVERYONE!

Here we are in month two.  Before I begin to enlighten you about the things no one told me about motherhood, I should update you on Anabelle’s growth.

My sister Adriane sings a song to Ellie that goes something like this…
Hello, my name is Ellie, I’m 8 weeks old…
I look like I am twelve weeks old.
See below for a photo to go with that song.

This past Friday we went for Ellie’s 8-week appointment and we discovered Auntie Nurse Adriane’s song was right on the money…

Ellie weighs 12 pounds – 90th percentile for weight and is 24 inches long – off the chart for height.

Sounds about right.

Maybe she can help me carry the groceries up the stairs in my apartment soon.
At the same doctors appointment she received a number of vaccinations.
See below for how sleepy she was after all of her shots :-(.

Actually, I make jokes but Ellie is really a very good baby.  Not sleeping through the night yet, but I manage to get 4 to 5 hour stretches at night which is, as you may recall, much more sleep than I was getting while working in the control room.  And I wasn’t waking up to a smiling baby, I was waking up to…well…never mind.

All that matters is that this is what I wake up to now…

And this is how I typically end my day…

The past two months have been about a thousand times better than I expected.

Despite that, there are things you never told me.  I will share them with you.

1. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT I WOULD WANT TO TAKE HER EVERYWHERE…
I really don’t see much reason to leave her other than the fact that I must return to work in a few weeks and that my office does not have a pack-n-play.  Additionally, my current desk is just off the set, so when she does cry it could interrupt a newscast.

I happen to think it would make more people tune in, but then again, no one is asking my opinion.

Until I return, I take Ellie with me when I stop by the office and run errands.

We also ride the train back and forth from NYC to CT to see Grammy, Granpy, Uncle TJ, Auntie Adriane, Auntie Jackie, Cousin Reag, Cousin Tre and many others.
She is quite open to being put in the front carrier and away we go.

2. NO ONE TOLD ME WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS YOU DON’T SLEEP – YOU RUN, NO SPRINT, AROUND TO GET EVERYTHING DONE.
When I come home with her and she is asleep, I gently lay her down on my bed, quietly unbutton her snowsuit and then sprint around the apartment like a madwoman putting everything back in its place, I usually eat while standing, take a peek at her and decide whether or not I can squeeze a shower in and if so, if I can wash my hair.  If she is still asleep when I get out, I do things like pay bills and respond to emails while in a towel.  Things like getting fully dressed have fallen way down on the list of priorities.

I’d forgotten that pre-baby I would leisurely walk into my tiny apartment, throw everything on the kitchen counter, sit down on the couch and turn on the TV.  I would do things like put away my belongings, pay bills and shower whenever I felt like it.  Now I do it when I can.  Which is fine…I just didn’t realize how strange I looked until I saw the expression on the face of a friend of mine this past weekend when he witnessed this firsthand.

3. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT MY STOMACH WAS GOING TO FEEL LIKE RAW PIZZA DOUGH.
Raw pizza dough or a waterbed.  It’s very sexy.

I should be finding a husband in no time.

4. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT SNAPS ON BABY PJS ARE STUPID.
To explain this one, I must start at bath time.

Ellie loves her bath.  LOVES.  She will stay in there as long as I will allow it.  Bath time is one of my favorite times of the day.

It’s after the bath that makes me wonder what I have gotten myself into.

No matter what I do, this is how bath time ends.

Then I have to hurry up, put her diaper on and then her PJs…which brings me to the point.

WHO THE HELL THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT 27 SNAPS ON BABY PAJAMAS?!?!?!?!?

Obviously that person never got a baby dressed after the bath or changed their diaper at 3am.

Without fail, I put Ellie’s pajamas on and I don’t align the buttons up properly.  By now Ellie is screaming so hard she is turning purple and then those damn pajamas become, as my brother-in-law pointed out, an overcoat.  Two of the 27 snaps get buttoned and we are on our way.

4. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT LEAVE THE HOUSE, YOU STILL NEED TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
This one pretty much speaks for itself.  But I will elaborate by saying there have been some days that I haven’t brushed my teeth until 8pm…poor Ellie.

5. NO ONE TOLD ME WHEN YOU GET PREGNANT UNEXPECTEDLY RIGHT BEFORE YOUR 30th BIRTHDAY, TO TRY NOT TO HAVE THE BABY DURING THE WORST WINTER EVER.
You tell me how I am supposed to get a stroller around in this.

6. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT HUNGER STRIKES (by Ellie) AND ABSTAINING FROM DAIRY(by me) ARE ALL A NORMAL PART OF BREASTFEEDING.

Amazing that a 6-week old can refuse a bottle for hours because she prefers nursing.  Also amazing that my daughter is already showing that she is extremely particular and very determined.  Awesome.  Adolescence should be delightful.

This same daughter also has symptoms of a dairy intolerance (cow’s milk…not my milk)…I will leave out the details, but this means I, ME, THE GIRL WHO LOVES ICE CREAM has to cut out dairy while I nurse.
Those crazy lactation consultants left out that possibility…along with a host of other things like stretch marks on your boobs.

Again, I am sure I will be finding a husband very shortly.

7. NO ONE TOLD ME THAT YOU BECOME AMBIDEXTROUS AND INGENIOUS WHEN YOU ARE A MOM.

I can do everything except sign my name with my left hand.  I can eat, put on make up and dial the phone all while nursing Ellie on my right side.

Additionally, motherhood has made me become very practical.  For example, before this latest storm, I realized I needed to go to the office to clean out my email inbox and get the following items:
Diapers
Hand Soap
Birthday Card
Wine

After we picked up the diapers, soap and card, Ellie and I headed to the liquor store to get some wine.  I didn’t really plan on drinking it, but I felt better having it, knowing I couldn’t wouldn’t be able to leave the house for another 4 days.  As I was walking down the street in 20 degree weather, I realized I had to address and sign the already late birthday card I had purchased and get it in the mail before returning to my apartment because I couldn’t bundle little Ellie up another time just to run to the mailbox.

So I went to the wine store, and asked the clerk for a nice Pinot Noir and if I could borrow their pen…I then signed, address, and put a stamp on the card, paid for the wine, dropped the card in the mailbox, came home and put Ellie down on my bed, unsnapped her snowsuit and ran around like a madwoman.

Thank god Ellie usually cooperates.

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