Is It Bad…?

Is it bad that I just purchased something under the guise of being a Christmas present for my mother, but at its core, it is really a gift for me?

Let me explain, I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping and I popped into a well-know skincare store that had a great deal -if you spend 65 dollars, you get 20 off.  So last night I asked my mother what she would like me to buy for her – which she happily disclosed.
Well when I went to check out, the total only came to 57 dollars, so I had to pick something else.  After a moment of pondering I grabbed some moisturizer and said out loud, “Oh, I’ll get this for my mom! I love this stuff.  And then I can use it when I go home for the weekends instead of using the gross face moisturizer that she uses, that I hate.”

“Okay,” and a polite smile was what I got in return. Right.

And then as I was walking to my next Christmas gift stop, the Time Warner Center in Columbus Circle, I saw a ton of police cars outside and I thought, “Oh Jesus Christ.  Something better not have happened because I have a lot of stuff to do and can’t be bothered with some terrorist scare or mugger.

Very sensitive of me.  Very concerned about my fellow New Yorkers.

I never did find out why there was so much police presence, but I did begin to wonder about all of the things that run through my head – and out of my mouth…that are well…bad.

So here is the rest of the list in no particular order:

Is it bad that when I go to send a text message and Ellie is in the room, I actually resort to putting my phone under my shirt, sending the text and then sticking it in my pants, because she is OBSESSED with my phone and I have no idea how to prevent a total meltdown when she sees the phone and I won’t let her have it.  And even on a good day, I just can’t with the temper tantrums.

Is it bad that after the New Year, I am going on a take-out food/alcohol hiatus? You probably just paused and said, “Well it might not be totally necessary, but it’s not bad.”

Right.

But is it bad in preparation for said hiatus, I have decided to basically eat take-out as much as possible, and to do everything in my power to rid this apartment of alcohol?  By pouring it down my mouth.

I actually thought, “I can’t leave a bottle of wine sitting on the rack for three months.  I have to drink it before I go home for the holidays.”

As if that made complete and total sense.

Is it bad that I want Ellie to open a bunch of presents for Christmas…so I have wrapped everything from Sippy Cups to toddler spoons…NO they have not been used yet.

And no, they are not the only thing that Santa has gotten for her this year, but she LOVES opening presents and I would like her to open as many as possible.   So I let logic prevail and wrapped everything I have ordered for her next stage in toddler-hood.

Sad or GENIUS?

Is it bad that effective immediately, I have decided to quarantine Ellie for the rest of the winter.  Perhaps the spring too.  The kid has another fever and runny nose and we are rapidly approaching another holiday.  I feel like the whole, babies get 12-15 colds a year is having the same effect on me that the whole “newborns nurse every two hours” did.

When breast feeding a baby every two hours (which still stands as the most traumatizing part of motherhood thus far) I woke up one day and realized that there were only about 90 minute windows to do ANYTHING!

Same goes for this being sick thing.  15 colds a year (because let’s be honest, we know Ellie is an overachiever and will meet her yearly quota and perhaps exceed it) means she is seriously sick about every 3 weeks.  And every cold last about a week.  SO THAT IS ONLY ABOUT TWO WEEKS OF NOT BEING SICK.  Subtract the time that I am sick due to licking my face, or putting her fingers in her mouth and then shoving them in mine, and we have about 18 hours a month of health in this house.  AND THERE ARE ONLY TWO OF US. That’s crazy.

Also crazy…is it bad that without fail, whenever I take out the garbage and the recycling, and I am carrying way more than I can handle, when I trip down the hall and one of the bags inevitably rips open, all I can think is, “GOD! I wish I had a HUSBAND.”

You are right.  That is bad.  Totally un-feminist of me.  My gender studies’ professors would be disappointed.

Ah, screw it, the first task I am subcontracting out when I meet the love of my life is garbage duty.

That should have them knocking at my door. 🙂

 

 

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