Too Tired to Make a Bottle.

That’s it. I can’t.

I give up.

I have come to terms with being tired for the rest of my parenting life (that is forever).


Well this past weekend was Ellie’s first birthday!!!!!!!!!!  See adorable picture below:

And this first birthday was preceded by Ellie’s terrible stomach virus (which we now think was Rotovirus) and a trip to the emergency room.  See link here.

And this first birthday and 8 day long vomit-a-thon was preceded by a year of single, working, motherhood…which started right here…

(or 39 weeks and 2 days earlier…but we all know you don’t want a picture of that.)

And I keep waiting for this tired feeling to subside and it just isn’t happening…you see it’s not that parenting is that physically exhausting, although restraining Ellie while I try to change her diaper is more difficult than I could have ever imagine in my non-parenting days.

In fact, I couldn’t fight with her and her really raw diaper rash butt any longer yesterday and I said, “Fine Ellie, crawl around naked.  I don’t care.” And I continued on labeling a very generous bag of hand-me-down clothes and reorganizing her dresser.

Ellie pulled herself up on me, looked me in the eye, and gave me a hug.

And then peed all of a pile of her little boot cut jeans.

But that’s not where the exhaustion comes from. It comes from the fact that if I don’t remember to order crib sheets because she ruined the two sets we had with vomit – Ellie sleeps on the mattress pad.

If I don’t remember to get more soy formula (which is impossible to find in my new neighborhood), I am running around like a crazy woman at 7:30pm sweating, hoping to find a store with it so Ellie can have her bedtime bottle.  Forget to find a new pediatrician and she gets behind on her shots.  If I don’t research pre-schools, she doesn’t go when she is supposed to…and she will end up uneducated and homeless.

Okay..maybe that is going overboard, but you know what I mean.  The list – THE LIST – never ever stops.  It’s NEVER ENDING.  Like Santa’s list of who is naughty and who is nice – times a million.

With all of that in mind, all of you parents may understand the next little anecdote.

Last night Ellie wanted a bottle every 3 hours…which would seem like a horrible backslide in development if it weren’t for the fact that she lost weight during her illness and is now making up for lost time.

Every 3 hours I woke up to “Num, num, num, num…” and her flinging her head back in frustration.

So at 2am I trudge into the kitchen with Ellie in hand, to make a bottle.  Leaving the lights off, I groggily reach up with my free hand to grab a bottle and I slam it down on the counter. I reach up and grab a bottle liner and put it in the bottle. I get a nipple out. I get the container of very valuable soy formula.

I put 4 scoops of formula in the bottle and fill it up with water.


I pause.  Reach up, get a new liner – quite perplexed as to what happened to the old one.  I gently scoop the formula into my hand and I put it in the bottle, that now actually has a liner.  I fill the bottle up with water, put the top on, shake and stick it in Ellie’s very pissed off mouth.

Then I rock her for 17 hours until she falls back to sleep.

When I woke up this morning to find formula residue everywhere I recalled the missing bottle liner situation…and all day I wondered what the hell I did with it.  I was tired, but I am sure I took it out of the cabinet and put it in the bottle.

When I came home from work tonight, I washed my hands, filled up my water bottle, took a big sip and sucked up a piece of plastic.

I looked into the water bottle and realized…that’s where I had put the bottle liner.

One year later and I can’t handle making a bottle.  Awesome.