If You Don’t Want Sh*t on Your Carpet, Make Sure Your Kid is Always Wearing a Diaper

If feel that this statement is a metaphor for many things in life.  Number one being that if you don’t want your child to poop all over your rug, after you spent a weekend vomiting from a stomach bug – make sure you diaper them immediately after getting out of the tub.  Don’t wait ten minutes to let their diaper rash that they always get from teething dry out – or you will be scrubbing poop out of your carpet.

So the poop on the carpet was just the end to a really amazing weekend.

I really thought that single moms are immune to debilitating illness.

Okay, when I was pregnant and totally freaking out about what would happen when I got really sick and I had another human being to care for, I convinced myself that I simply wouldn’t ever get sick.  I’d wash my hands a lot, I’d avoid public transportation as much as possible, and I would take zinc, echinnacea and all of those other things that possibly help boost your immune system.

And since Ellie was born, I have had colds and sinus infections, and felt queasy…but nothing…nothing compares to what went down Saturday night.

During the day yesterday, my stomach didn’t feel right.  Friends came over to visit at about 430pm and I was sipping seltzer while talking to them.  And all of the sudden I had to excuse myself to go throw up.  Multiple times.

I knew that wasn’t the end of it, and I prayed Ellie’s continued molar teething wouldn’t interfere with her sleep, in the event that I continued to get sick.

Well, my wish was not granted.  I threw up every 20 minutes from 930pm to 230am.  It was terrible.  I would just hang my head over the bed and get sick into the garbage can I had positioned next to the bed.  Somewhere around 12:30pm, Ellie began crying, and coughing (whenever she’s teething, she  gets a cold) and then she’d fall back to sleep for a bit, and do that over and over.  I knew the baby Motrin I gave her before I put her down was starting to wear off and I’d need to get her more.  Around 130am, I threw up, felt relief, and decided to try to get up and give her some more baby Motrin before I had to throw up again.

Only problem is my stomach had other plans and I only made it as far as the kitchen, threw up in the sink and then remembered an old remedy I used to turn to in college…laying on the cold floor to stop the sweating and spinning.  So I laid down on the kitchen floor – and noticed how dirty the panel under the cabinets is.  Anyway after a few minutes, the room stopped spinning, I stood up and sat down on the couch to try to figure out how best to handle this little situation – and by this point, Ellie was screaming.

And then, I got an amazing text from a close friend saying that she wanted to see Ellie and I this coming week.  Yes.  She was sending this text at 130am.  But I didn’t ask questions.  I told her I had been throwing up all night and Ellie was teething.  And she offered to get in a cab and come over.  And I said YES PLEASE.

I got Ellie out of bed, gave her Motrin and allowed her to play with my iphone, my blackberry, my laptop and anything else that would keep her stationary, until my friend showed up.

I opened the door, and said, “Oh my god, thank you.  I owe you.”

And she said, “It’s fine.  I saw you throw up in your hospital room after you had Ellie, I know how bad it is when you get sick.”

We managed to calm Ellie down, and I put her to bed, sat there and sipped my Pedialiyte.  And felt the relief of having another adult in the house when I really needed them.

I went back to bed and thankfully kept the Pedialiyte down, my friend slept on the pull-out couch, and when Ellie woke at 630am, she gave her breakfast, changed her diaper, and played with her so I could sleep in.

I woke at 830am to a child screaming in refusal of taking more Motrin…my friend made the foolish mistake of trying to hold the measuring spoon to administer the meds, instead of allowing Ellie to hold it herself.

Ellie and I, holding on to our sanity with snuggles and the entertainment of an iPhone.

The rest of the day was pretty standard…until Ellie ended my wonderful weekend of bodily function overload by pooping on the carpet – after we had enjoyed a nice long bath where we scrubbed away all of the grossness from this weekend.

Yep…it was awesome.  And then I had to give her a bath all over again.  And then scrub the rug.

So here are my words of advice from the past 48 hrs.

1. Always have Pedialiyte and children’s pain reliever in the house at all times.  By the time you realize you need it, you usually cant get out to go get it.

2. Always say yes when a friend offers held you really need.

3. And finally, if you don’t want sh*t on your carpet, make sure your kid is always wearing a diaper.