Dear Universe…

So I was giving Ellie a bath tonight and I began to crave cookies.  Then I began to try to figure out how I could manage to get some cookies into my apartment, without taking Ellie out in the rain, after her bath to get some.

Please note, I am aware that the attempt to obtain cookies is in complete contradiction with how upset I am that my arms still look pregnant – as I noted in my last post.  But that is not the point, so focus please.

Anyway, I got Ellie out of the tub, and we were sitting on the couch while I was drying her off – which means that she was running around naked while I tried to catch her before she peed on the rug.  And all of the sudden there as a knock at my door.  I picked Ellie up, wrapped her in the towel and walked toward the door thinking, “I really hope it’s someone with cookies.

Honestly, that is exactly what I thought.

I answered the door to find my amazing next door neighbor who is always giving me the left overs, and reminding me that she and her husband are just next door if I ever need help with anything.  I said “hi” and looked down to see her 3-year-old adorable daughter that loves Ellie.

So I said, “Hey there…what’s up?”

And her daughter handed me a bag of homemade oatmeal banana cookies!!!!!!!!

I said, “Oh my!  I was just thinking about how much I want cookies!  Thank you so much for thinking of us!!!

And the little girl said, “They are for Ellie.”

And I laughed and said, “Okay, Ellie can have some too.  But I really wanted nothing more than cookies tonight.”  (No I could not even pretend for a moment that I would give all of the cookies to Ellie.  Yes, that’s how badly I wanted some cookies.)

We chatted for a bit and said goodnight and I sat down and thought, “Okay, are you trying to remind me that you are always listening?”

I said that to God.  Not to myself.

And then I ate 2 cookies and gave Ellie one, and we had a nice snuggle before I put her down.

Here’s the thing – I recall watching an Oprah episode a while back in which she said that if we want something, then we need just need to put it out into the universe, and then it will come to fruition.

I am sure she said it in a much more profound way, that Maya Rudolf can reenact, using the words “light bulb” and “moment” together in a way like no other human being on the face of the planet has before – but you get what I am saying.

And since I’m pretty sure that Oprah is right up there with Jesus Christ, and I am sure that everything she says is true, I have decided that this cookie incident was a sign that the universe is listening.  So it’s time to tell the universe exactly what I want.

1. I’d like to meet man, have him fall in love with Ellie and I, and marry us.

Now I understand, dear universe, that this man may – on occasion – irritate me, and leave the toilet seat up and forget to buy milk on his way home and leave his shoes in the middle of the living room. And I accept that.  I also accept that although it may be funny- perhaps it’s not a great idea to go around saying that I’d like my husband to live across the hall from me because I like my space.

Even if New York City apartments  are really small.

2. I’d like to stay this happy and healthy for at least the next 60 years.

I have a lot of things that I need to get done – all of the important ones are with Ellie – and I don’t need anything getting in the way of them.

One of the unexpected things about motherhood is this overwhelming urge to stay alive forever.  I didn’t expect it at all, but once Ellie was born, this amazing feeling of purpose came and sat front and center before all of my other emotions.  I need, and I want, to be there for Ellie for as long as I possibly can.
3. I’d like to have two more healthy, happy children just like Ellie.

She is perfect in every way. I fall more in love with her every single day.  I now know what parents meant when they said, “Oh you’ll understand when you have a child…”  Holy Lord – I never knew my heart could feel this full and this content all at the same time.  And I have no doubt in my mind that Ellie is destined for greatness – whether that means making a difference in one person’s life, or being the first female President of the United States.  So I would love to give her a couple siblings, if for nothing else than to keep her grounded – because you know no one keeps my feet more firmly planted on the ground than my 3 sisters.

And, if you asking for me to be really specific – I wouldn’t complain if my next two had a little more melatonin in their skin. It’s only April and this sunscreen application is a tad tedious.

4. Please keep Ellie safe, happy and healthy for as long as she lives. 

Please.  Just do.  If you can only do one thing on this list, let this be it.

5. I’d like a 2-book deal along with a lucrative movie deal that will allow me to spend more time with Ellie.

I love writing and I actually really enjoy working.  Additionally, I feel it is important no matter what happens in my romantic life, that I always maintain a way to support myself and Ellie…but I would love for that all to come in a form that allows me to spend more time with her while she is awake.  And this is why I have decided a multi-book deal and a movie option are really the best way to go.

Ellie will rock the red carpet at the movie premiere telling everyone that she was the inspiration for it all.

And she will be right.

6. I’d like everyone that Ellie and I love to stay happy and healthy for as long as possible…I mean I prefer forever, but I don’t think it works like that. 

Please.  They are what makes our life so full and so amazing, and we want as many moments with them as possible.

7. I’d like a car and a parking space.

We have a lot of trips to Connecticut in our future to visit our amazing family and friends, and I’d like for us to be able to get there without using Mimi and Papa’s car service.  It would be great to meet them for dinner on a summer evening somewhere between where we both live, so that Ellie can spend even more time with everyone that loves her.

Additionally this car can help me sleep past 7am, like I did when I was home this past weekend for an impromptu celebration of my sister’s birthday.  My sister, her husband, a couple of her friends and myself went out, while my parents stayed with all three grandkids.  We got home at about midnight.  The next morning I heard Ellie fuss at about 7am and then it stopped, and I rolled over and went back to sleep – next thing I knew it was 8:30am.  I got out of bed to find Ellie finishing her breakfast courtesy of Mimi and Papa.  Apparently, my dad got her out of her crib and then she fell back to sleep on his chest for a half hour.  I mean really…is there anything more heartwarming?!?

Of course not.

So I need a car to do those kinds of things more frequently.  And in New York City, if I want a car without needing a prescription for Xanax, then I also need a parking space.

8. I’d like a fully paid for apartment in New York City as well as a beach house somewhere I can get to easily.

This one pretty much speaks for itself.

9. If, and only if, you have time, I REALLY would like to have my 21-year-old ass back. 

I know, I know.  Soooooooooo trivial given the scope of problems you are tasked with solving, and prayers you need to hear, let alone answer.  But that was one fine ass.  And it would be great if I could have that, my abs, and my killer arms back.  I promise I will not take them for granted this time.

Speaking of asses…

Does this baby make my butt look big?